Bitch Didn't Show

She couldn't do Monday, or Wednesday.  Those work drinks on Thursday.  So we agree FRIDAY NIGHT WOOHOO.  Turns out I'm chasing my own dick.  Waiting alone in the pub.  Got pint.  Got newspaper.  Now if only I still smoked, I wouldn't look quite so gimp-minus-the-outfit.  Could start.  Then again I'm sure I can wring another few hours out of playing with my phone. 

Oh but no-one does nonchalant quite like you dahling -

Not the humiliation its the fucking HOPE why do I not learn.
do you know how clever I am I mean do you know how fucken clever I am I'VE FUCKING BITS OF PAPER TELL ME HOW CLEVER I AM so how come I am so fuckenstupid
pentuprageupfuckup HOW DID I NOT LEARN

Perfectly obvious, there's a polite notice round my neck that says "sorry - out of cervix" -

S'okay.  Neverwantedanyway.  Stepped on that rake again anna-genn-anna-genn-anna-genn UNTIL IT'S FUNNY.  Seek solace with my friend Stella.  And whassername, Staropramen.  Up into Soho, plenty of places still open.  Time lapse, relapse, stop-frame, falling asleep at the bar.  Well it was prettifuckenlate an I haddenteaten.

Course I believe in sex before marriage.  I mean, after she's married, it just gets complicated.  And I don't think her face would look that pretty after launching a thousand ships.  Look what happens to a champagne bottle after it launches just one ship.

So, how was your evening Mr Overnight?   Well, pleasantly bitchfree, since you ask Mr Editor.  Bitchless.  Like being impotent, but with a raging hard-on.  What would you call that - vaginal actress?  Would that make any sense?  Are you getting this, are you writing it down?

And just what did you expect, exactly -
All the relevant bits of her body laid out -
glistening like a box of doughnuts -

No, well, NO.  Although, crispy, creamy...

Er, yeah now LOOK what a lovely image you've created for everyone.  Proud of yourself?  Proud of those gifts?

Pity-self, pity, in what turns out to be the final bar of the evening.  The horror is that this was the BEST outcome this was her being NICE TO ME this was her LETTING ME DOWN GENTLY this was her thinking maybe if I just don't turn up again HE'LL FINALLY GET THE MESSAGE finally learn finally FIGURE IT OUT FOR HIMSELF save me from having to SPELL IT OUT save us both from that.  Asshole.

Yeah well at least I'm not the one having a conversation with himself in a bar.  An expensive bar, with London people, you know, people who are not disintegrating -

Yes you are...  sowennyway Bouncer comes over, shortbloke, longcoat.  Strangely apologetic.  APOLOGETIC.  One minute he's over there, an instant later he's right in front of me, seemingly without traversing the distance in between.  Stopframe.  Quiet word.

Er... yeahzorrymatebut er... isslikeyou'refallinazleepatthebar... eryeah mebbeyoushould...

S'okay.  Going.  Finishedthatoneanyway.

They know.  They smell it on the tube.  They can smell it at work.  The illness, like too much garlic, sweated out the next morning.  Go home have a wank blog it out isslike therapy on the cheap innit.  Man she's gonna have such a good excuse - next time you see her's gonna be fun.  In front of other people, pretending there's no problem. 

Like hiding bruises from the social worker.

Comments

[Beth]

Erm...ok...So..which bits of a womans body are crispy when laid out??!?!?!?!

Because I know that none of mine are, thats for sure!

With these things no one ever learns - you've read my blog, you can see that from a mile off. I think we repeat similar experiences and eventually become bitter and jaded about it. You just have to hope you meet someone half decent before that point.

[Aidan]

Sandie Shaw has a lovely sad little song about a similar experience, "Girl Don't Come".
Not quite so splenetic, mind. All the song's missing, really.

[pocketpunk]

chin up OE....really feelin for ya
there's a proper filthy whore with manners and feelings out there for you ...... i hope you find her soon

[ellie]

You were brave. She was a coward. Happens the other way around all the time. When the guy's blowing the girl off (American terminology) because he's too much of a pussy to come out with it: I'm not interested. When it's really so much more humane to just shoot the horse and put it out of its misery.

You are lovely.

[looby]

I loved the drunken prose.

Look on the bright side - no smashed bathroom cabinets tonight.

[Emma]

You were honest, and she wasn't.
I know people hate giving rejection, but is refusing a drink invitation really so hard? I don't think so, and its this sort of annoying stuff that ruins thing for everyone who wants to be offered a drink, or to ask someone out, only to find we're all becoming just too nervous and dishonest to move.
And she'll never know, now, that she missed an opportunity to drink with a GREAT WRITER

[oe]

Beth and Aidan - Upset, drunk, then angry with her, then angry with myself, then more drunk, then not giving a shit. This blog has got a bit thematic lately, think I need to move onto other things.

PP - filthy whore with manners and feelings... sounds good. Where are these women?

Ellie - I saw her again this week. I acted pretty dismissive... not much acting, I genuinely didn't care, so it was all surprisingly easy. She apologised, we left it that she might get in touch and arrange another time. She won't, but I'm relaxed about it; the bridge has been burnt from both ends. Oh, and... you wouldn't happen to have manners and feelings, would you? :)

Looby - I e-mailed you about your question (I think). Did you not get it?

Emma - Thanks, might sound weird but I find this sort of writing very easy. It's plot, narrative, character etc. that I find very hard.

[Aidan]

I wasn't criticising...! Keep it up.
(Hmm, not that I'm wishing freshly dark Real World things upon you... That would be cruel... You can make'em up, after all...)
Good luck with the next'un, anyway, if this one's bridges really have been burnt (how painful that must be...)
... you don't happen to have her number to hand, do you...?

[David]

That's why I say, get a hooker. It costs the same amount as a good date, and you have the satisfaction of knowing you will be getting laid. Of course, there is that whole possibility of getting a disease, but isnt life all about risks?

[quick]

What a stuck up bitch.

Hmm. I deleted the bit about needing a bloody good raping by a gang of Hell's Angels to bring her back down to earth. Might have been taken the wrong way...

[Tired Dad]

http://datingmonkey.blogspot.com/2006_06_01_datingmonkey_archive.html

Scroll down to my Guest Post on the 29th.

You don't know humiliation.

[looby]

No - lots of e-mail probs at teh moment. Never mind. It will happen when it's right between us :)

[oe]

OK Looby, please get in touch one day... I'm desperate to know what the question was...

[Sarsparilla]

Blog it out. yeah.

[Boudica]

I've only just read that. And it sums it up beautifully.

[Mister Lysander Spooner Rising from the Grave to Destroy you All.]

Well, I'm the king of all losers, so I don't even bother going to the bars anymore. Why even try? As soon as I talk about anything I care about, she'll be put off (Plus I'm a skinny white geek [lower intelligence nerd, not the old definition of a circus 'clown' that bites the head off of a chicken]). My libido is much higher than she would ever want to deal with, and she'll just try to get her claws in me, and get the government involved (legal marriage). If the marriage doesn't work out (and MOST OF THEM DON'T), she'll get to rob me to finance the next robbery (Which would then = TWO ways that she had utterly fucked me over, since I've actually thought about ethics more than most people.)

My advice to all the other losers out there?

Prepare for the singularity - artificial pleasure dolls that look, feel, and act like women will be cheap then (or we'll all be dead, or some combination of the two). Moreover, they will have a giant extra value for the thinking man that no woman on earth possesses today:
1) you will be able to trust them to keep their mouths shut (the prisons are full of guys who thought they could trust a woman half as far as they could throw her)
2) you will get as much sex as YOU want (which if you're like me, it's 100 times what any woman has ever wanted from me, probably because I'm a ____insert ad-hominem attack here if you disagree with me --it'll take the sting out of the truth_____)
3) you will get the same lack of understanding of any significant idea (any idea that doesn't involve increasing her standard of living at your expense, while your standard of living--amount of sex-- plummets in relation to what it could be with MORE MONEY, MORE SEX, MORE HEALTH)
4) they won't fuck around on you, but you can fuck around on them, or even have as many around as you like --which is the only reason we tolerate them anyway.

Now then, ugly girls who have been forced to come to similar understandings (girls kind of like Ayn Rand), I don't blame for taking a similar approach. However, I feel less solidarity with them, because their sex drive is much less, and I'm a guy (I gaurantee that, having said that the more chimp-like among you are getting ready to challenge my manhood because I don't buy into the "make her rich, give her kids, and still don't get what _you_ want" club).

MY SUGGESTIONS FOR THE LONELY "LOSER"? Read a nonfiction book. Find the truth. Better yet: find out the minimum responsibilities you carry as a citizen, so you don't RUIN SOMEONE'S LIFE WHEN YOU ARE CALLED FOR JURY DUTY (whether it's because you allow the prosecution to remove you during "voire dire" [if you're educated], or because you allow the judge to command you [if you're a brainless sheep like most people currently are]). This usually happens out of the sheer disregard most people have for their "fellow man". See this site to find out what your basic responsibilities as a citizen are: http://www.fija.org (statistically speaking, you probably don't have a clue.)

Listen to the music here if you want some beautiful stuff to reverberate around your mind as you wallow in psychotropic substances (like a little bit of red wine for the resveratrol, since we're trying to be educated).
http://www.xplodingplastix.com

Here are some other educational sites that, if used correctly, will allow you to call yourself a decent human being:

http://www.fija.org
http://www.hawaii.edu/powerkills
http://www.lysanderspooner.org

Otherwise, you will simply be a product of your times: a thieving intellectual midget, no better or worse than any of the other interchangeable cogs in the giant rusty, creaking pile of socialist shit that western civilization has become.

I favor rational artilect supremacy and individual rights for artilects.

If you don't understand anything I've posted, it's time to pull yourself away from the bottle, get in front of your computer thingamajigger, and google up some answers!

You only live a million times! The pattern that was you this morning is changed irreparably by today's events. Moreover, you are losing your ability to fire neurons, and to cum like a young man!

What woman is worth that?

Women are just flesh to be used for orgasms. The man who thinks otherwise has bought a pack of lies. (Luckily, for most men, the pressure is never turned on, and they never experience the certain betrayal that follows that condition.)

I suppose I have th good fortune of being concerned with justice then, since it means that no woman (that I want to fuck, anyway) will ever tolerate me. I am fortunate in being able to see the truth clearly. Always look on the bright side!

Cheer up! The future looks bright! And, even if it turns out that there is only death and misery in store for you, you can always laugh anyway.

After all it's your fucked up head!

[oe]

Mister Lysander - your comment deserves some sort of prize.

Congratulations on out-bittering, well, pretty much everything!

OE