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Callisto

//Begin Comment


function warmBreath(man, woman) {
var isMoist;

if(woman.horny>=man.horny) {
isMoist = man.ravish(woman);//I think I want to propagate your code...
}


}//At least you are aware of the limitation of your system, all my constants are unidentified.
// End Comment

Cheerful One

[insert admiring comment]

Timbo

I was never into any kind of programming.
Which would explain alot.

bobbins

LOL, brilliant :-) Mebbe you need a Join Point Model...

An Unreliable Witness

I was considering an ill-advised comment about wanting to add my own coding in-joke, yet being unable to do so because my programming tools were on a floppy which I couldn't get to sync with her USB interface. Fortunately, I decided that was lewdness (and not even particularly funny lewdness) too far, so have withdrawn said comment.

Ben

Oh God. This all makes so much sense now.

My sex life is a Microsoft system patch. You think it will give you what you need but just overcomplicates everything and makes you wonder why you bothered.

clarissa

Far too much talent here. Far too much.

peach

er, what?

isabelle

hmm, maybe too much code will lead to generation loss.....
ditch the code, stuff the programming, just go feral wild.

JonnyB

Magnificent. Personally I always got 'R - Tape Loading Error' about two minutes into the act. But magnificent.

Anyway. Carry on.

Rat

Dear Mr Overnight Editor

Mmm… how do I word this so it doesn't sound like spam? Please can you drop me an email when you have a moment I would like to run a collaborative idea past you.

I am not selling pharmaceutical products or software. And, although I am indeed from Africa, this is not an offshore investment opportunity that requires your bank account details, just an email address so I can explain my ideas for world domination and how I would like you to assist.

regards
rat

oe

Cheerful One - [insert sage response]

Timbo - You should try it; the new Latin.

bobbins - It's always nice to excel at something... but there are some things where one wouldn't necessarily want to be identified as a *professional*

Unreliable Witness - Quite right. If there is to be any lewdness here, it will be me allewding to it.

Ben - Software is the secret knowledge. Know software and you need never be afraid of anything.

clarissa - thank you, although I fear my life remains steadfastly short of "talent"

peach - language which is written but not verbal... gets the hemispheres talking.

isabelle - My source code is open to you.

JonnyB - thank you! I've been an admirer of yours for a while.

rat - am I going to regret e-mailing you?

oe

Amusingly the comments box "commented out" my comment to Callisto:

//!-- Callisto
//!-- I am right behind you.
//!-- Where I belong.

Rat

Regret is an interesting thing. If you mean in the short term because you’re concerned I may turn out to be a psychopathic, axe-murder, stalker type, then I can definitely say no. Regret in the long term sense: that we turn out to be great friends and one night we go out, get horribly drunk and I drive you home and at your house I run over your future son’s pet beagle and your then wife takes this as a final straw and divorces you leaving your life in tatters and you think back … If only I’d never emailed Rat!

Well, I can’t tell the future but I can say I’ll try to never let my karma ride over your dogma.

If you’re really concerned about the email thing, you can sign up for a random free account hotmail etc. and if you think I’m a pest you can just delete the account. The only reason I want an email is so I can tell you a long story about a project I would like to collaborate on and I do not want to clog up your comments page with my usually long winded blathering. ;)

pocketpunk

you absolutely must let us all know what rat is referring to. How exciting indeed. You could be famous next year and on GMTV and This Morning.

The first mini program you wrote made me laugh. I used to write these aged maybe 10. . . along the lines of
10 (sister) stinks
20 goto 10
run
......sometimes i would add colour. What fun could be had with my BBC MICRO 64K.......(which i still have)

pocketpunk

you absolutely must let us all know what rat is referring to. How exciting indeed. You could be famous next year and on GMTV and This Morning.

The first mini program you wrote made me laugh. I used to write these aged maybe 10. . . along the lines of
10 (sister) stinks
20 goto 10
run
......sometimes i would add colour. What fun could be had with my BBC MICRO 64K.......(which i still have)

pocketpunk

Boll-ocks
i was on my DS(nintendo)...didnt realise it posted me 2x

Rhina B.

Woah, have you been peeking in my bedroom window? I mean uh, hi! I'm new around here and very impressed. Your Hay Fever post left me speechless (and a bit jealous...)

Stray

package postoftheweek.com {

class Nomination {

private var isShortlisted:Boolean;
private var blogowner:String;
private var postUrl:String;

public function Nomination(blogowner:String, postUrl:String ) {

this.blogowner = blogowner;
this.postUrl = postUrl;
}

public function setIsNominated(isNominated:Boolean):Void {

this.isNominated = isNominated;

}

}

}

import postoftheweek.Nomination;
var myNomination = new Nomination ("The Overnight Editor","sex_machine");
myNomination.setIsShortlisted(true);

// that should do it ;)

Stray

public function setIsShortlisted(isNominated:Boolean):Void {

this.isShortlisted = isShortlisted;

}

/// missing code for above. duh.

Stray

oh fuck it

emma

What's next? Marriage of course, and kids. No more need to try to try to communicate with the fair sex or write computer programs to encapsulate marital discourse, because there is none, at least while the kids are small and life is full of broken sleep and broken dreams. You will grunt at each other if that, or 'communicate' via talking about the kids:

Johnny needs new shoes, shall I buy them or will you?

or

Can you pick up an extra packet of laxatives when you go to the pharmacy?

Beth

Perhaps if you worried less about the coding, you'd get farther?

I think you're thinking too much.

oe

Thanks for comments all, I do read them, avidly!

This post came about partly because I was struck by the strange parallelism between the way my (strictly amateur) programming and (also strictly amatuer) relationships with the opposite sex have evolved over the years.

But it was mainly because:

(1) the first (BASIC) program amused me as a way to sum up my teenage years in just five words.

and (2) I've been wanting to write a sex scene in FORTRAN for ages!

Quink

From what I remember about BASIC, the semicolon would give you more bang for your buck.

So, turning this

10 wank
20 goto 10

into this

10 wank;
20 goto 10

would probably have caused a friction fire.

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  • London, twisted. Media armageddon. Blurring of fact and science-fiction, not always deliberate. No, I'm not writing a book. Enjoy.

RUBRIC

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