Do not exceed the stated dose

a.k.a. sixty-two things inanimate objects told me to do this month.

Do not exceed the stated dose.
Do not wash with brightly-coloured clothes.
Do not dispose of in fire
Do not iron.  For hire. 
Always use
the correct-rated fuse. 
Made in a factory where nuts are used.

Press tablets through from other side.
No user-serviceable parts inside.
No parking.  Fragile.
Do not use door while
vehicle is in motion.
Always reject if seal is broken.

Shake before use. Contents may come loose
in transit.
Do not pierce or burn, even after use.
Exit.
Ensure battery is full.  Pull.

Keep cool. Look right.
Horn is for use only at night.
After use store in an upright position.
No photography without permission.
Enjoy responsibly.  Store horizontally. 
Drink chilled.  Serve with ice.
Never use a condom twice.

Do not discharge near face.  Do not open case.  Always store in a cool dry place.

Protect can from direct sunlight.
Keep out of the reach and sight
of children.  Push.  Keep left.
Mind that child he may be deaf.
If undelivered please return to the address printed overleaf.
For use only on teeth.  Twist here to open cap.

Mind the gap.

For best before, see top.
Stop.  No hat, no boots, no job.
Rights protected.
Use only as directed
by your
doctor.
Please mind
the closing doors.

Do not disassemble.  Do not recharge. 
Extra Large.
Freeze on day of purchase.  Do not eat.
Please retain
this receipt
for your records. Warning: X-rays.

Once opened refrigerate and consume within 28 days.
Keep clear.  Exit to rear.  Do not insert forcibly into the ear.
If you can read this, you're too close.

Do not exceed the stated dose.

Comments

[Lillipilli]

I could get a job in that factory.

[clarissa]

You belong in an anthology.

[Angelalala]

This is piping hot all the way through.

[Ani]

Inanimate objects are very wise, aren't they?

[B]

Wow.
Just... wow.

[Joseph]

Crikey. This is the good stuff.

[An Unreliable Witness]

I think a good number of those warnings are virtually pornographic.
Um. Yes.
Nice weather we're having.
Oh, and fantastic post too.
I think I'll go now, before, erm, I embarrass myself anymore.
Yes, probably wise.

[Jack]

More Peter Porter than ee cummings, this one.

http://www.ppu.org.uk/learn/poetry/poetry_nuclear3.html

[Miles Away]

this really rather reminds me of a wonderful song-poem spoken over the hissing and grinding of industrial gears and machinery in a scratched and worn voice. somehow providing a warning, to some thing. I love the metre, the idea and the concept.

superb!

[bohémienne]

What is the stated dose of your writing? I'd like to exceed it.

[pocketpunk]

have you been whitening your teeth....you tart!

[Camille]

What a busy month you have had. Whoever would think those package designer label makers could collectively be such a poetic bunch.

[Leish]

Best thing I've read all day.

[looby]

"Never use a condom twice.

Do not discharge near face."

Fnarr!

[AmyTree]

Beautiful! And strangely moving... I might direct my blog to this one, if you don't mind - think it needs sharing...
Amy x

[Glamourpuss]

Who says we live in a nanny state?

Lovely idea, lovely execution. Lovely.

Puss

[Peter]

"Always read the label."

(Gets me every time.) Think about it.

Nice post, incidentally. I like a bit of poetry.

[Ms Robinson]

A poem for our time. Great writing. Perfect pitch. Love it.

[Jane Jones]

I am the silly twat that has to write these warnings on goods. The best one I read was on a child's superman costume "This costume will not enable you to fly"

[clare]

Lovely.

[Matt]

Brilliant.

[Ben]

"Do not use flashbulbs in an explosive atmosphere"

[Daren]

I like it, it's kinda poetic!

D

[Daren]

Sorry, just realised that sounds very dumb... what I meant to say was it is very poetic, and I like where it came from... very clever and fun. Best thing I've read in while. I'm working on a poem from Spam email titles.

D