Stormbrain

I'm hiding in my flat.  Even more than usual.

Back-balcony and trees blown leafless, greybrown and chillwet after Dolby rain.  Orange circles from street lamps though glint-finger branches. 

Across the street, across the trees, the faded red eighties sports car.

Been there long as I've been here.  Seen him tinkering of a Saturday morning, but it never moves.  Colour of city braces.  Crisp packets wedged under flab-flattened tyres texture of unmoisturised rhino, and a dark, soft-edged rectangle of dirt and dust underneath, where the street sweeper's been denied.

I remember that model from boyhood - in vogue then, not quite a classic now. 

The supermarket had bird feeder on offer.  Six hard-heavy balls of set-fat with nuts and seeds in.  That birds will eat in winter, apparently. 

Once, I saw a squirrel stealing bulbs from the top of a handbag my neighbour had left on the balcony next-along, reaching  from a tree and snatching them, one at a time.  I took a picture but nothing showed.  Rats with good PR.

I put the balls of bird feed on my basket.  Try anything once.  Bird feeding I mean, not eating bird feed.  Although? Sniff - No.  Don't mind if the squirrels get it, good luck to them.  Weird how they're so agile, for herbivores.

Getting home, it transpires that the trees at the back of my balcony are rather further than I fondly remember.  Far too far to reach across and tie on a ball of bird feed.  Hmm.  How did the squirrel manage it?

You know what happens next.  The stormbrain; the stupid-clever, spins it up and spits it out.  "No problem OE, just tie two of the balls together with string, and throw them into the tree."

OK, try anything once.  Tied and swinging round my head. 

Sail up - over - neatly between - the branches of the trees, missing... every...  single one-on-thewaydown

aaaaand SPOOSH! through the rear window of the red-eighties sports car.

Comments

[bohémienne]

I should have seen it coming, and yet I did not. I actually yelped aloud in laughter when I came to the last line. I was not alone, and the moment was not propitious for such a yelp. Nevertheless, well done.

[Angelalala]

Oops. Hope you got enough shopping in for a few days...

[Lillipilli]

You and Isabelle have issues with ball control...

[pocketpunk]

congratulations a fatball bolas.....tisk boys !!

[peach]

blame it on the squirrels...

[isabelle]

I wanted you to get in the car ( Starsky and Hutch style of course ) and drive off, windows down.....

[EmmaK]

ha ha hope the owner of the car didn't see your faux pas!

Actually I would have tried the bird feed. Try anything once me. Used to eat hard cat food when I was a kid, it's pretty good actually.

[oe]

bohémienne - Happy to provide the raw materials for embarassment.

Angelalala - by cover of darkness...

Lillipilli - yes, it did occur to me!

pocketpunk - Why is it only girls comment on my blog?

peach - Good plan. Squirrels are evil. So *urgent*

isabelle - I still might.

EmmaK - definitely thought about it. Smelled a bit wwird though, and looked a bit grey and congealed. But if I'm stuck in the flat any longer I might have to consider it.

[amme]

Made me grin x

[pocketpunk]

would you prefer it any other way?

[clarissa]

I might have to write A Defense of Squirrels.

[amuirin]

poetic justice, somehow