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Ahem. Better out than in.

Don't really want you all to fuck off, obviously.


An Unreliable Witness

Without wishing to claim your words for myself, could I just ask that the next time you're in my head and decide to write out the contents on your site, you do at least tidy up your mess behind you? I've just woken up and found upturned boxes, scattered papers and, curiously, a few discarded socks.

Mind you, it's still utterly brilliant, and I am still in awe.


you take that internal chaos and carnage and make it into something shockingly beautiful riotessly brilliant ...( in my head it was a word )


Oh, Mr OE! Genius. Fucked up. But genius.
I am glad I quit drinking before I started blogging. Fuck knows what might have spilled out.


Its interesting - that post provoked a few comments from me. All from opposite ends of the spectrum.

You have the first one. Inital hurt and slight confusion at it all as you have a pretty decent band of commenters (regular commenters at that) but then appreciation of the cathartic nature of a blog. Thusly:

"Wow...some little unchecked hostility towards your readers!

I'd sort of understand it if you knew you had lurkers that didn't comment, or you had utter bastards who just left over-critical uber-mindless comments. I think we're a pretty decent bunch, educated and insightful and all that.

But hey...can't help what you feel right?"

Then you have the second, which isn't in bunny ears because I hadn't already typed it when I realised my dichotomised reaction to the post and consists mostly of the statement, shit or get off the pot.

If there is a dark underbelly that you keep hinting at (which I don't doubt for a moment - we all have things we don't share in our posts) either tell us or shut up about it. Don't dangle a carrot.

I think that the majority of readers (myself included) are happy with the posts you put up. They're interesting and amusing, although for some of the bears with slightly less brain (that'd be me again) some of them are a little cryptic. But if we didn't enjoy them, we wouldn't come back and read more.

Apologies for the latter half bluntness of the comment - but I think sometimes there isn't a fluffy way of wording things.


you are not alone. who hasn't hurt so much that it made them want to gouge their eyes out? let it out. you are human, you are us, and we could never hate you.


The adoring will only love you more for all that.

An Unreliable Witness

That's nothing.

I have hurt so much that I've wanted to gouge other people's eyes out.

With a plastic spoon.


I find I get better purchase with a spork.


I have hurt so much I have wanted to gouge out the eyes of a penguin with a spoon that is rusty.

And I'm rather fond of penguins.

You're a funny fucker, OE.




Oh, so you fear that we are fair-weather fake-friends?


That was fucking brilliant.
You decide.

An Unreliable Witness

I did once try to gouge out somebody's left eye with a Twiglet wielded in extreme malice, if that helps.


Well done. Really. That's a real breakthrough, a true acceptance of your darker self which we can explore next session because, for now, I'm afraid our time is at an end.

2.30 next wednesday?



you are not alone... whatever the shit is, it sounds like it troubles you more than it could trouble me... and that troubles me...


It'd be more than interesting to know what you've fucked up, and why you have these feelings. That would be brave.
Irrespective of that, it's still brilliant writing, but you seriously need to get your keyboard fixed.

An Unreliable Witness

No no no. Don't get your keyboard fized. In fact, I want to know where you got the keyboard that can do that. Are they available at Dixons, perchance?


Ow, whatever it was, it smarts. Unless of course you have simply spilled beer over the keyboard...


A reverse King Midas. "Hm, I might use that." Brilliant.


ps - late night thought: I'll show you mine if you show me yours?


All - hope you weren't disturbed or offended by this post.

It was a reaction to something that happened that day. But also, it was a reaction to the direction this little part of the blogosphere has been taking of late. Getting a bit too cosy for my liking. Too much "bless", "you're lovely" and "ooh let's play a little game". And I have been as guilty as anyone. But that way lies acquiesence, blogging's middle-age and ultimately, death. I wanted to reset, to get back to what blogging should be really about - untramelled self-expression. I'm not saying people should only blog if they're miserable - if you're happy, let us know - but whatever you do, keep it true, keep it you.

Sorry to bash everyone about the head with my keyboard (you can see the dents) but weren't we punks once?


Unreliable - sorry about the mess (tosses coin in Han Solo manner).

Isabelle - I will harness the chaos, as you say.

Stray - how dare you! I was entirely sober.

Beth - Youe are quite right that I should shit or get off the pot. I still haven't spelled out exactly the reasons underpinning this blog. Partially because when I started, I didn't really understand what they were. I think they've emerged, slowly and cryptically, as I've gone along. Details are still sketchy, probably always will be, but I was at my most explicit here (If I tell you that ALL of the reasons A-D in Question 2 were true):

Marcos - less gouging, I was thinking more about eyeballs exploding out of fresh heads and bouncing wetly across the room.

Jack / Quick - thank you and good spork.

Callisto - Hope you come back.

Angelalala - oh, this is much better (and cheaper) than therapy...

Peach - yeah, it probably troubles me more, but rest assured it is boring.

Tim - The keyboard is fine. It's just that when I'm so... erm, engaged, my typing accuracy tends to slip a little.

Ariel - sorry

TSP - feel free!


Peach - our comments crossed. Not tonight, but maybe one night. OE.


ya know i was just thinking the other day that your posts had changed ....kind of like the next post had to be better than the last one and the one before as so forth.....I knew you would have a meltdown. Go and eat some rice pudding owt of a tin...cold naturally - I always find it sorts me out.


I wish I'd said that.

You touched on my pain and rage just now. Feels better for having read it. Thanks. May even be inspired to try it myself...


OE-yes I had noticed (and surely acquiesced in) the recent creeping cosiness round these parts.. your newest post strikes me as an absolutely necessary corrective. Crucially, you remind us that this place belongs to you only, and you are in no obligation to reveal more than you want to any sooner than you want to. And of course you realise it is- partly- that little bit you hold back that keeps us coming back for more...

Oh and may I be the first to compare your way with the deliberate-by-mistake slip-of-the-keyboard-technique to the great Les Dawson's mastery of a quite different set of ivories... I seem to recall the Mancunian vaudevillian liked a drink as well... but, like you I think, never while he was playing in earnest...


amazing use of words

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