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An Unreliable Witness

Pissed or double-pissed, I don't care. All I know - though this is based on a dim recollection of drunkennes from last May because I haven't had the nerve nor the leg to let a drop of alcohol pass my lips since then, regrettably - is that you're not supposed to be able to write this eloquently (oh, sod it, this fucking eloquently) about being pissed. No. All you are supposed to be able to manage is an unintelligible groan (however one spells such a sound) followed by the phrase "Oh, I was sooooo drunk last night". Please adhere to this rule - which you will find listed in section D, paragraph 3 of the the International Laws Of Blogging - rigidly in future, or else I shall have no option but to send John Reid round with a knuckle-duster to menace you with threats of deportation.

Honestly. Some people.


it's the annual miracle of the liquefaction of st. heinz's blood.


Diagonal stripes, barbershops, ketchup... alcohol is one hell of a potent hallucinogenic in your case! Not that anyone spiked your beverage, did they?


Christ, you should never be sober.


I watched Kill Bill Vol 1 last night. Coincidence? Swords and kebabs? Anyone?


You crack me up. I've never really understood how you always manage to make it home when you are in this state. Maybe you are like a homing pigeon, guided by instinct?


Honestly, I don't know what to say to all that. Other than, what are the other 56 varieties...and does it stop there?


Unreliable - Thanks. Don't you find alcohol a creative force?

Marcos - Ah yes, thixotropism at its best

Ariel - The red stripes weren't a hallucination! Perhaps this point is a but subtle... I'll redo the paragraph to make to clearer.

fionat - hello. And quite right

Tim - never seen that film but now I might

emma - The beer taxi sees me through

Beth - I think there must be at LEAST 56 other varieties


so the mommy tomato and the baby tomato are walking down the road. the baby tomato runs on. she looks back at mommy and says ....


Next time I'm double-pissed, screw the hotdog, I'm going to get a burger, with beetroot AND bbq sauce. Could get messy.


Briliant. You really do give double good blog.

An Unreliable Witness

A creative force? Oh yes. The problem is that I also find it a force of gravity at the moment. I am rather looking forward to when it isn't. Well, at least not quite as much.


"You'd 57 ways of being mean to me
- 57 varieties, like Heinz..."

12 comments of praise, and no one's yet said something along the lines of "Who's the Daddies?"

For shame.


Pinstripes are overrated.


I haven't read many of your posts, but I bet you have never written a better one. I'm awestruck


A really great post, not least for the lovely image of "some sort of horror-film cum shot".


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  • London, twisted. Media armageddon. Blurring of fact and science-fiction, not always deliberate. No, I'm not writing a book. Enjoy.


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